I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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