Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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