in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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