who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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