ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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