nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Enjoy the penises
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize