Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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