"it" just moved
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize