Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
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yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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