you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize