hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you had me at cake vodka
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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