I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize