this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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