i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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