i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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