I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just pee around me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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