Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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