Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize