if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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