oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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