She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
