fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
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Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize