you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize