k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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