listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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