And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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