dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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