Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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