So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
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She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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