OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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