I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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