Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Shame - the story of my life.
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