idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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