im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize