The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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