when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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