I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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