As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
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We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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