I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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