Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
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Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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