also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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