3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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