I wish I could teleport
Non-Jews are for practice
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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