no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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