I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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