She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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