Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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