Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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