i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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