oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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