when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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